Child Soldiers in Uganda

[dialogue] 

I wasn’t really into him, didn’t really think he was cute, but we kissed at a party and he wanted to walk me home. We get back and I basically tell him “thanks. Now can you leave?” but he gives me this lost boy, puppy look and says “his room mate has sexiled him for the weekend, can he just crash here”. So I’m like “fine” 

We go in, I point to the futon for him, and I go to sleep. 

5 minutes in, I hear this tiny voice 

­ Voice from audience : “heeeey… I’m cold” 

So I go: “ok. Do you want another blanket?” 

­ Voice: “…no…” 

“do you want me to turn the heat up?” 

­ Voice: “…no can we use body heat?” 

“yeah, you can have another blanket” and I throw a blanket at him, turn the heat up and yell “GOODNIGHT”. 5 minutes later: 

­ Voice: “heeeey… do you want to make out a little?” 

So I’m like: “look, I have to get some sleep” 

­ Voice: “we can cuddle and sleep!” 

“I have to wake up really early” 

­ Voice: “I can set an alarm!” 

“I have to write a 9 page paper!” 

­ Voice: “I can help!” 

“do you know anything about the child soldiers in Uganda?” 

­ Voice: “no…  

“I didn’t think so” 

­ Voice: “but I can learn!” 

“shut up”

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Written by unknown, found in the 2016 script