Deep pt. 2

[monologue, same actor as pt. 1] 

(breath, nervous smile) 

So about not being gay… 

I was DEEP in the closet. Cobwebs deep. Old sneakers deep. But that’s what I told myself all of freshman year. I actually rationalized myself into being straight. 

If I could go back, I’d like to tell my first year self that it’s ok to be attracted to other women. It’s fine. It doesn’t make you a bad person. 

I’d like to tell her that those people who judged her for who she was attracted to or who she was dating... “Fuck this shit” is what she needs to say to those people. 

I’d tell her that the pressure she feels to “experiment in college” doesn’t invalidate her urge to experiment. Yeah, college pushes you to find yourself. But finding yourself isn’t an assignment, and life gives us so many chances to figure things out. 

I’d like to tell freshman me that for those other people who matter, sexuality won’t be the only way they’d see her. They’d see that she’s also a million different things. 

I’m not narrow. I am definitely not straight. I am me. 

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Written by unknown, found in the 2020 script