Friendship Test

[dialogue between woman in passenger seat and gay male friend driving the car] (casual banter) 

1: Ok so… The other day I had an inclination. A suspicion, if you will, that uhh… I might be pregnant. 

2: Shut up. For real? 

1: I mean yeah, I like went to the drugstore to buy a test and everything. 2: Shit, what was that like? 

1: The process to find out was weirdly mechanical. Like, unemotional. I even saw this guy from my class at the liquor store on my walk back and I asked for a ride home. Just a normal conversation while I was holding this bag with a pregnancy test. 

2: So you just like went in and bought a test and that was it? 

1: I mean I felt off about it so I got a Milky Way too. 

2: (laughing) So you just walked up to the register with a pregnancy test and a candy bar like, “Yup, dinner!” 

1: Yeah, and it’s weird because I didn’t feel a rush to get back to my dorm. I didn’t count the seconds until the results showed up. I just peed and waited… You know how I’ve been collecting cans from dorms to recycle and refund? 

2: Mhmm. 

1: One time I found a pregnancy test in the trash can. So when I was throwing my own test out, I started thinking, what are people on my floor gonna think? No one will even know it was me. 

2: I think about that all the time. I take these at-home HIV tests where you just swab your mouth and stick it in a vial, then you wait like 20 minutes to find out if you’re positive or not. 

1: Wait really? I didn’t even know they had those, I thought you had to get your blood drawn and stuff. 

2: Yeah I get them at the drug store all the time, mostly because I’m so paranoid. I always convince myself that random symptoms are HIV. 

1: It’s fucking scary dude, it would change your whole life. 

2: That’s the thing though, it shouldn’t have to. Like of course it’s best to be safe, but it’s not even the health part that scares me, it’s the shame. You can take drugs and live a long, healthy life with HIV. But when you’re waiting for the results you’re not thinking about your health. You’re thinking about the way HIV-positive guys get treated… The way the community acts like being Poz means you’re dirty or a slut. It just sucks. 

1: I bet there are women who kinda feel the same about pregnancy tests. It’s not necessarily that they’re not ready, it’s just that the world would be horrible to them for having a kid at the wrong time. I know I’m not ready though. 

2: (laughing) You definitely are not ready. I just wish there wasn’t so much shame around testing and stuff. We should be supporting each other to know as much as we can about our health. 

(1 puts hand on 2’s knee to comfort him) 

1: Well if you ever want a testing buddy I’m there. 

2: (smiles) And if you ever need a babysitter, hit me up, I love kids.

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Written by unknown, found in the 2020 script