Jankity

[monologue] 

Where do I even begin. 

Let’s back up a minute. So, we are still at a cultural moment where being gay or lesbian is JUST starting to be okay, and even that’s generous. Don’t agree? Just stop and think about it. 

Even Bisexuality. People are kind of like “alright… I guess. But make up your mind and pick one or the other, okay?” 

Transgender? We’re here like “Hello!! I exist!” and people just respond with “wait… that’s a THING?” 

Thing is, once folks manage- IF they manage to get past the trans “thing”, being gender FLUID? People just go  

“great. That’s… great. You just… do you. We will let you do whatever it is that you need to do… but we’re gonna stay over here away from… THAT, okay?” “honey, don’t look”. 

And sometimes even a little lost, cuz who are my role models at this school again? Right. It’s really more of an emotional and psychological thing, because no one around here’s going around policing your pants like “ok, let’s see the genitalia!” it’s more… feeling comfortable in my own skin. 

Take the example of identification documents. It is enough hassle getting the name changed, but getting the GENDER marker changed? That requires surgery in most cases which is fucking expensive and not covered by insurance and... it’s all jankity. 

So this annoying thing happens where I have to explain my entire life story every time I apply for a job, or show my driver’s license, or buy a goddam apple at the grocery store. 

And restrooms. At this school, there are only a few places on campus with personal or gender neutral restrooms. So I found one of those places, that’s where I lived… for 3 years. 

Sticking someone in a corner until they go away might not be the best way to take care of your students. I am not the problem. I asked myself all the questions. I looked everywhere. There just isn’t room for me in the very tiny world of what’s “normal”. 

It’s a lonely journey. I initially received such a warm reception, all these “you’re so brave”, “HARRAH”s but then something serious happens… and no one’s there. 

Who do I turn to when I feel like everyone is only friends with me because I’m the token trans kid? Diversity on this campus is a bullet point on a pamphlet. “Look at this African-American I’ve befriended”, “look at this queer person I’m bringing into proper society”. No one says it out loud but that’s the way it is here, and it’s really fucked. 

Sophomore year, we did this exercise for a leadership thing. There were two chairs in the center, each with an identity placard on it like “football player”, “student”, “Midwestern person”. There was an LGBTQ ally placard. No one sat in it. And this was a room of 100 people. I remember looking around the room and seeing people I talk to all the time, people who I’ve shared my stories with, and for all the people I knew… NO ONE would stand up for me? 

I’ve heard from multiple people that they WANT to be supportive but they just don’t understand or they’re too afraid to ask questions. Like with strangers, I get that. But with friends and family, classmates, people I’m getting to know and learning to be vulnerable with, it could really help if y’all could just say what you felt. To be like “ok, this is HELLA awkward, but I don’t understand this  

explain THIS to me”. 

I’ll even wait if you need to pick your jaw up off the floor and stop stuttering in order to ask me a question. 

But ask me. 

It makes my job so much easier if people want to know; if they’re not bored by what I have to say. It makes my voice heard. I want to show up at my next family reunion with a giant neon sign that says IT’S OKAY TO ASK ME ABOUT MY GENDER goddamit!

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Written by unknown, found in the 2016 script