Just Me, You, and the Birds

He was more into me than I was into him.

He was a quiet guy – smart in a way I strove to be.

He could be weird, not awkward, but shy.

But he understood mathematics, the connection between numbers and life,

how liquid metal batteries work,

how the human brain works,

and that was pretty cool.

I didn’t understand any of that when I started dating him

– still don’t.

Because I was someone who passed tests easily. I got A’s in school, I never had a puzzle I was desperate enough to solve... until I got naked with him.

When you’re naked

really naked

with another person

and the only responsibility in the world is to give and receive pleasure,

you have to work to make it good.

I had to think about it.

Why am I doing this?

Is it the next step in our relationship?

Because we are supposed to get naked

And... fuck?

Or am I doing this because I cannot stand to be around him without being close to him. Where there’s no space between us.

I’d like to find out how other people around here see sex, because I see that people are rather unsatisfied.

So I wonder.

I wonder why they don’t look at the world around them and think it could be better.

I wonder why they don’t ask themselves what it is that they love, and fill their life with those things, like… love.

I don’t mean four kids and a white picket fence kind of love.

I mean falling in love with people’s great life stories or with things that happened on a subway ride.

I mean loving good music, and great poetry. Loving the nuances of language and imitating bird calls.

I mean loving your hair.

It’s hard to figure out how to be happy, but it’s possible.

I think one day I'd like to live on a farm with big wide open fields and spend the day naked in it.

There are always walls around us, but I want to be under the sun.

I want to smell things that aren't my sheets.

I want to be seen. 

(pause)

The birds…? The birds won’t mind if they see us naked.

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Written by unknown, edited by Parna Shakouri '23