Old School

The hottest guy in the world could be sitting in front of me—like perfectly my type in every way. I mean my ‘type’ is kind of broad, but let’s just say he’s like a Greek god-level gorgeous.

If he was kind of snobbish... he would lose all attraction points in my book. I’m only physically attracted to someone that I’m emotionally attracted to. I don’t even find models attractive! I guess aesthetically they’re... symmetrical and stuff. My brain understands that. But if I don’t know who they are, what they’re like, or what their little quirks are, I’m not interested. 

Personality just overshadows everything.

Like with my current boyfriend.

I always tell my friends I think he’s the hottest guy at this school. I actually think that. They don’t seem to agree... and maybe they’re right, maybe he isn’t. Or maybe ‘hot’ isn’t the right word, because it really doesn’t matter what he looks like. That sounds cliche, but it’s true.

I think my boyfriend is the hottest guy at this school. It’s not the norm around here to think that, I know. Sometimes I wonder if people don’t commit to relationships here because everyone is simultaneously thinking, “I could do better.” But I don’t think I’m missing out on anything.

(pause)

We’re currently trying to have sex in every academic building on campus.

We’ve checked off 5 so far.

We’re also friends and can talk for hours.

(pause) 

Oh, I’m also really really in love with him. But I dunno…

(pause, shrug) Maybe I’m just old school.

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Written by unknown, edited by Parna Shakouri '23