Old School

[monologue]

If the hottest girl in the world was sitting in front of me but she was kind of snobbish, she would lose all attraction points in my book. I’m only physically attracted to someone I’m emotionally attracted to. I don’t even find models attractive! I guess aesthetically they’re… symmetrical and stuff, but I don’t know who they are, what they’re like, or what their little quirks are, so I’m not interested. Personality just overshadows everything.

Like with my current girlfriend.

I always tell my friends I think she’s the prettiest girl at Colgate. I think that. They don’t seem to agree… and maybe they’re right, maybe she isn’t but she is. Come on, just look at her.

That’s not the norm around here, I know. But I don’t think I’m missing out on anything.

We’re currently trying to have sex in every academic building on campus.

We’ve checked off 5 so far.

We’re also friends and can talk for hours.

Oh, I’m also really in love with her.

But I dunno, maybe I’m just old school.

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Written by unknown, found in the 2016 script