Old School

[monologue] 

The hottest girl in the world could be sitting in front of me—like perfectly my type in every way. I mean my ‘type’ is kind of broad, but let’s just say she’s drop dead gorgeous. 

If she was kind of snobbish… she would lose all attraction points in my book. I’m only physically attracted to someone I’m emotionally attracted to. I don’t even find models attractive! I guess aesthetically they’re... symmetrical and stuff. My lizard brain understands that. But if I don’t know who they are, what they’re like, or what their little quirks are, I’m not interested. Personality just overshadows everything. 

Like with my current girlfriend. 

I always tell my friends I think she’s the prettiest girl at this school. I actually think that. They don’t seem to agree... and maybe they’re right, maybe she isn’t. Or maybe ‘pretty’ isn’t the right word, because it really doesn’t matter what she looks like. That sounds cliche, but it’s true. 

I think my girlfriend is the prettiest girl at this school. It’s not the norm around here to think that, I know. Sometimes I wonder if people don’t commit to relationships here because everyone is simultaneously thinking, “I could do better.” But I don’t think I’m missing out on anything. 

We’re currently trying to have sex in every academic building on campus. We’ve checked off 5 so far. 

We’re also friends and can talk for hours. 

Oh, I’m also really in love with her. 

(pause, shrug) 

But I dunno, maybe I’m just old school. 

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Written by unknown, found in the 2020 script