Planned Intimacy

[monologue] 

You know, sexual freedom in the past would have been the feeling of being free - free to express myself, free with my partner, completely, you know, pleasured. All that stuff. Just happy, in the moment. 

When we’re done hooking up, it’s very different. Everything sexual has to be thought out, and planned. Because I have to make sure I have enough energy during, and also that I have enough energy after. ‘Cause sometimes, even just making out might mean I have to sleep for the next two hours. things that are so physically taxing, like orgasming, need to be taken into consideration when it comes to pleasure. 

There have been times when I couldn’t move for the next two days, because I orgasmed. So, with a disability, you have to think about that. And a lot of the time, just to feel loved or just to feel good, is not worth all the time that I’m going to need to rest after. Because it may feel good in the moment but after that… it hurts. 

Honestly, I wouldn’t say there is much sexual freedom for people like me. I think you want to have those moments of sporadic and spontaneous pleasure and fun, but you can’t do that anymore... I mean with some disabilities you can. But when it comes to 

mine, I have to plan it: I have to plan sexual moments and I have to plan how much time I can rest after. So, freedom doesn’t exist because my body doesn’t allow it to. 

Sexual pleasure used to be freedom. Now... I would say... hmm.... well, the good thing is I found a partner who is more obsessed with my pleasure than her own. And who knows, maybe years from now sexual freedom and pleasure will feel totally different. But right now, with my partner, pleasure is selfless. 

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Written by unknown, found in the 2020 script