Sex Love Kayaks

[actors interspersed among audience members] (Thinking)

1: Somebody recently told me that your 70’s is the peak of your sex life. I that’s what they said. Maybe look into it. But I imagine two very frail old people, and it seems like the sex they’re having would be very different from the sex they’d have if they were our age. Wouldn’t it?

2: I didn’t learn much about blow jobs and fingering and all that stuff with the first person I was with. I learned about touch. Like kissing, and brushing hair off faces, and holding hands. I’ve never had sex. To some people I’m sure sex is the epitome of intimacy. But maybe not. To me intimacy is skin to skin contact. It’s touch.

3: I feel weird because I’ve had histories with questionable characters. In particular, I seem to be drawn to drug dealers. Let me think about how many drug dealers I’ve been involved with… at least 3.

4: I really wanna marry a Jewish guy. I think they’re really hot.

5: Pleasure is taking the time to enjoy something that you really really like. I like olives. So I will spend money and get them at a really nice place. Sometimes I’ll eat a ton at once and feel really sick, but other times I’ll take it slow and just… savor the olive.

6: I usually go for girls shorter than I am. I dunno if that’s my type or if girls are generally just shorter…

7: I feel like dry humping is a thing. A teenage angsty thing. But a thing.

8: I’m generally not attracted to people in my own race. I used to feel awkward about that.

9: I find pleasure in trying new things. I ate this really fat caterpillar that was kind of squirmy. We cooked it over the fire. It tasted like bacon. I also ate a beetle. Tasted like pistachios.

10: Eyes get me. Girls with large, charismatic eyes. Oh, and a nice smile.

11: When I was traveling to Africa I became really attracted to Ethiopian women. Then when I was traveling in China I became very attracted to Chinese women. Basically, I’m attracted to women.

12: My physical type? PURE superficial looks? 6’3” or 6’4”… brown hair… gorgeous eyes… broad shoulders and… an ass that you can just GRAB. He’s not like a super gorilla but he’s also not a super twig. I like a little bit of muscle and… ugh just play with my hair. Maybe he’ll have an accent. Or a really husky voice that just makes your skin craaawl. He’ll have scruff. And we’ll go kayaking together.

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Written by unknown, found in 2016 script