This Is Not a Monologue About Sex

I think I have this sort of idea that may or may not be true: everybody goes to parties, grinds on each other, and is looking for someone to hook up with... I know not everyone is participating in that but that’s what it feels like. 

In college, people talk about sex all the time. And I don’t really mind, I’m pretty open to talking about sex but it can be kind of weird because I feel disconnected from all that.

I went and saw This Is Not A Play About Sex with my friends, and I really enjoyed it but I didn’t feel like… I didn’t really see myself in the characters. Like I think sex positivity stuff is really important, but at the same time, I don’t really... I’m asexual and I don’t really want to have sex. 

I know this is not a play about sex but it is a play about sex and yeah that’s where I stood by the end of it. It seemed like everyone was having sex, everybody had something to say about sex. Everyone was experiencing it or thinking about it and, like, I kind of do but it's not the same. 

I use the word asexual, I don’t feel sexual attraction so I don't see anyone and say “I wanna have sex with them” basically. Which is different from romantic attraction where I could see myself in a romantic relationship but just not a sexual one.

Personally, I’m sort of sex averse where I don’t want to have sex and I just don't like the idea of like engaging in it with someone else. Which is not to say all asexual people are sex averse, but that's how I feel. 

I think I came across the label in junior or senior year of high school. I was looking on the internet, and I came across it. And just as my friends started getting interested in sex and that sort of thing , I was just like “um nope.” And then when I found the word it was just like “yeah, that’s kind of how I feel,” so that’s sort of where I am now.

I do masturbate. It’s like, “I do me, you do you, we don't do each other.” I enjoy it, I just don't want someone else involved.

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Written by unknown, edited by Parna Shakouri '23