To Creep Or Not To Creep

[staged coercion] 

(Party setting: couch in a frat house or apartment, drinking white claws, people on the couch, people standing up. Kelly is drunk leaning on Person 2. Others are fucked up but not nearly as drunk as Kelly. People are laughing and drinking. Kelly can barely keep her eyes open.) 

1. How long are you going to swerve me? 

2. I’m not swerving you… 

1. Kelly, you know I think you’re hot. 

2. Oh, stop no I’m not. 

1. You’re so fucking hot (PERSONS 3 & 4 walk past and PERSON 1 and he checks them out. PERSON 3 makes eye contact with PERSON 1 and PERSON 3 looks away immediately) 

2. Haha thanks, you’re so nice. 

1. Then what’s the issue? You’ve already gotten me so worked up. Just come upstairs we can just smoke and you’ll chill out. 

2. (looks around) 

1. C’mon… 

(PERSON 1 grabs KELLY’s arm and leads her offstage) 

I’m really adamant about never making first moves. 

I do not ever go up to a female and try to engage. In conversation, in anything! Guys sketch on girls all the time and it’s really weird. There’s a predatory nature to being a man and I seek to not be a part of that. 

Even buying a girl a drink at the bar – which I guess is totally normal – I see it as “hey I think you’re attractive, do you want to give me something in exchange for this beverage I’m giving you?” 

It’s creepy. I don’t do it.

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Written by unknown, found in the 2020 script