Tollhouse Pie

[monologue] 

My idea of pleasure is a goal to be in. So I get a drink, this lollypop drink and a tollhouse cookie pie at the Inn. I usually go by myself, and sometimes I bring a friend if they’re down and it’s just me. I don’t bring my phone and I don’t talk to anyone, it's just me and my pie. I don’t care how many calories my pie has because it just doesn't matter and I don’t care that I ate the pie last week because it's fun and it's pleasurable and I get to laugh and I hang out with people I don’t know and I wouldn't know otherwise and it's fun and I laugh a lot and I think that if I don’t laugh every day I feel like I’m getting drained. So for me pleasure is happiness and laughter in spite of everything else that’s going on so sometimes, this isn't off campus but it’s kind of off campus and it’s a room that doesn’t have all Colgate people in it. 

Sometimes, people are like, “Didn’t you get you that pie before, or didn’t you get slices yesterday”, and I’m like, “YEAH, I don’t care, like I really don’t care.” If I’m going to be healthy, it’s because I want to be healthy not because I want to be skinny. And if I want to go to the gym, it’s because I want to go, not because I want to get rid of my stomach. 

I feel like a lot of people here talk about their weight all the time, like it's so frustrating... But then, a lot of people I see in the classroom have really similar body types and it's like “Hoooooowww, why????” and then I can’t tell if I want that -like I have an ass and I have breasts and I really enjoy those parts of my body but in order to keep that sometimes I have to keep the pudge! 

But then, I see other people and they’ll comment on a girl downtown like, “She shouldn't be wearing that.” Why? Why? Because it's too tight? Mind your business! Maybe it's comfortable, maybe it's really good material, maybe she likes it. I think we have a weird way of policing each other by policing ourselves, and it's just so frustrating because it's such a contradiction. On the one hand, I’m like love yourself and love your body, love everything and on the other hand, I’m around people that are like” I’m going to the gym, and I ate a salad today,” and I’m like what’d you eat for dinner and they’re like, “Nothing,” and I’m like, “No, it's dinner! Don’t skimp on meals!” 

If I go home and start skimping on meals, my mom and my grandma will freak out. Like “Sorry abuela, I can’t eat your rice today, because I ate your rice yesterday, or that's too much rice,” she be like, “There’s no such thing as too much rice! You’re Puerto 

Rican, you will eat all the rice.” It’s disrespectful! You eat the food your parents give you... your family gives you. You don’t be like I’m trying to lose weight I can’t eat this, no you eat the red meat, you eat the rice, and that’s just what you do. It’s just weird at Colgate. 

My weight fluctuates a lot, and I’m okay with that. Usually. But like, now, it's fluctuating and I’m not okay with it and I’m not okay that I’m not okay with it and then I like to go downtown to get a piece of pie and do me. I’m just tryna do me and keep it to myself because it's a personal thing. 

I come here and laugh with people over pie. 

So yeah, I eat a fucking tollhouse pie, and I don't feel bad about it. At Colgate, that’s my pleasure. 

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Written by unknown, found in the 2020 script